don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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