I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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