i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
