this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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