i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
