I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
my poor anus
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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