Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
