"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
