it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
