Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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