What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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