Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
