i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
