life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
