I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
