Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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