Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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