you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
3pm strippers are depressing
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
