I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
