brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
