i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
