Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
