East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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