I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
