I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
