Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
