While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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