I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
