do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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