So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
