The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
