Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
