Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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