I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
