is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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