i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
