I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
