we have officially lost it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
