You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
