He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
