I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
