you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
