who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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