When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
