Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
