I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
