my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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