my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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