69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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