i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
