Swine flu. Run for my life!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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