you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My vagina just recognized that song.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
